only you would photoshop your dick
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
