The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
