How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
