If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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