i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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