Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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