My sheets look like a crime scene.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize