He told me they were just razor bumps!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
