Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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