Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize