so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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