im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
