The best revenge is premature balding
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
