I wish I only lived at night.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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