We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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