i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
