how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
40s are totally the cure
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
