The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
