Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
