so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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