i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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