we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
