So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
