If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Watching her eat just hurts me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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