i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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