I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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