Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
