It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
