8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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