I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
