Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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