So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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