There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
