Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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