I got chris browned last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
