i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize