I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
