Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
