Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
