eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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