i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
