Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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