I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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