So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
