i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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