I wish I could teleport
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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