Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
