she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
