whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize