If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
