Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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