i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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