Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
