Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
