Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
soo... how was my night?
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