You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
