If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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