using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize