i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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