Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
