I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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