and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
