Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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