you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
