She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
