just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
