Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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