and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
