He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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