highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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