he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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