yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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