Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
