his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
